Insights from the Opposite Sex

Eavesdropping. I'm so passionate about it I made it part of my career (consumer insights and anthropology).

Its one of my favorite things especially when it involves overhearing dating issues from the perspective of the opposite sex. Its what I would imagine being a spy during the cold war was like, but obviously less dangerous, so really nothing like that.

At the beach a few weekends ago with beach towels lined corner to corner it was inevitable to hear the guys next to us. What surprised me so much was their convo about one of the guys hooking up with this new girl who his friend was encouraging him to date. The guy sheepishly explained how she had just gotten out of an intense relationship and didn't think she wanted anything serious with him.

Ears immediately perk up.

Friend, "Well dude she's awesome and you should just ask her on a date and see how it goes. I'm sure she likes you."

Dude, "Yeah I'll think about it."

Emma thought bubble: "Dude stop screwing around and make an honest woman out of her and ask her on a date."

Then it hit me, the guys sounded just like my girlfriends and I. Nervous, unsure about everything, insecure with where they stood with this new person and terrified that however they played their next move they were going to screw it up.

Insight: Dating isn't easy for either gender the best we can all do is try and be honest with each other and hope for the best.*

*Obligatory Carrie Bradshaw wrap up line

Approaching

Heading back into the dating scene a few months ago I noticed guys in this state do not really approach women. I thought maybe it was me giving off a not into it vibe, but as I discussed this with both genders I learned it's not just me.

If a connection is made between two people in this city it's typically after they meet through friends and even then it's not guaranteed to get off the ground.

When I pushed my guy friends or guys I was seeing on why they don't go up to a girl they think is pretty and say hi, blah blah witty funny banter ensue. They answered point blank: "You all act like we're creepers if we smile and say hi to you."

And then I realized, in this aspect of dating, us the ladies were the issue. Mind blown.

Now I'm not saying this theory is scientifically proven and I've met and dated men after they've approached me, but I've also been stand offish and rude to a plenty majority and I've seen plenty of other women do this too.

A guy I was seeing a while ago, after he'd approached me, shed insightful light on this subject, "It's not just hard to approach women in this state you're given the brush off if you friendly approach anyone in this state." So true.

So the lesson in all of this, whether its dating approaching or trying to make friends in this city we could all be a little nicer to each other and not be so damn cliquey. Minnesota Nice should extend beyond just giving people directions.

Some tips for the boys...

I don't normally discuss my dating life on here but after a few months back on the scene there are a few things I've noticed about the opposite sex's behavior that needs to be addressed. So to the boys of my generation listen up:

1. You text to confirm a lunch with friend not to ask a girl out on a date
-Hiding behind a screen is not a winning quality. If the girl gave you her number have enough faith in that gesture to pick up the phone and call her to set up a legitimate date. It will beyond earn you points from the start.

2. If you have to cancel or reschedule don't wait until the day of
-Now I'm not saying all boys do this, I even know girls who've done this, but either way its a No No. That person, girl or guy, made time for you in their schedule and you should be respectful of that.

3. Do not fall off the face of the earth after a few great dates
-I know it was tough for you to pick up the phone in the first place when you had something great to tell us, and after a few great dates us the girl thinks everything is ok, but maybe you had a change of heart. Maybe you decided to move across the country, focus on your job, found another more interesting girl, blah blah blah. Whatever it is, or whatever code you want to use, be an adult and pick up that phone and tell it to that nice girl you wined and dined. Your future dating karma and her baggage will thank you down the road.

All is not fair in love and war, but that gives no excuse to throw out all social decency and manners that we know your mother raised you on. Treat the girl you're starting to date with class, kindness and fairness and I guarantee your rate of "attracting the crazies" will decrease dramatically. We only bring that out when you've given us reason to be.

P.S I've confirmed all of this with my amazing lady friends and they're in total agreement

Cultural Observation of the Day.

As an Account Planner, I'm constantly observing my world. Constantly eavesdropping, watching and taking mental notes. Tonight my cultural observation of the day smacked me straight in the face.

If you're single, avoid Lund's grocery after 9 on a weeknight. It turns into couples retreat and no aisle is safe.

The bakery becomes a place to pick that piece of cake to share. Frozen food a mecca for sweatpants couples picking out the perfect frozen pizza. Produce a field for the festive couple to pick a round pumpkin.

Its true that there are some activities in this world that are designated specifically for couples (brunch) and single people (clubs), I just didn't know that the grocery store had a designated cheap date night.